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chocolatemilk139The Fic: archiveofourown.org/works/53850730/
Adelaide, Texas, is a fictional version of everything I wanted in a small town. It’s the small town I spent years living in without the homophobia and the racism and the concerning history tied to everything—because while those things need to be written about, I wanted to imagine a better version first. Fic is where I’m able to put everything I want down into something real so reality becomes a little more bearable (am I already sharing too many innermost thoughts?)
So it’s a hometown. Emphasis on the word “home” because it’s an amalgamation of feelings. Banana the black lab was a real dog who belonged to my grandpa and I really loved her more than anything, even if she got her name from being like a rotten, black banana. She was more sweet to me. I moved too many houses growing up (a different one every year, and for a time period with no house at all) which is why I’m a little obsessed with the idea of a “childhood home,” a singular place where you stayed and did the majority of your growing up. For Jihoon, that place is his grandparent’s house, a place you live in by seasons instead of years.
Beyond the fake dating, this was supposed to be about finding a way to come home when the life you thought you were building ended up being a sham and a betrayal. When you aren’t sure who you are because you don’t know why you are doing what you are doing. But then again, it’s about the fake dating mainly because it’s how a stranger can become someone who helps you fall in love with a place again. Who can remind you of all the reasons staying could be worth it. Joshua decided to stay in Adelaide because of that relationship with his father, something that was rocky for most of his life, and how it became something meaningful. In some ways he didn’t want to let his father go, in some ways you can love a place because it keeps you close to someone, but not chained to them. In some ways, Joshua falls in love with Adelaide again because of Jihoon too.
Writing the want—for someone to reach over and squeeze your hand just to check if you are okay. For someone to be willing to go along with your schemes to have an ounce of peace. Here’s where the fake dating becomes another excuse for want of intimacy.
Talking about why I write something inevitably circles back to talking about me more than the story itself. I could talk about places that have felt like home until you become someone that they do not—and will never—accept. I could talk about falling out of love with a city or a religion never really means they untangle from your soul. I could talk about the beauty of church buildings but how I still haven’t found a place that would accept so eagerly, without judgment or carefully crafted looks of condemnation—but I want it to exist so I write it.
So this is a love letter to wants, to homes I want to build and rebuild. It’s a silly story about falling in love with a person and a place. How loving that person could let you love any place at all.
Playlist
Adelaide, Texas, is a fictional version of everything I wanted in a small town. It’s the small town I spent years living in without the homophobia and the racism and the concerning history tied to everything—because while those things need to be written about, I wanted to imagine a better version first. Fic is where I’m able to put everything I want down into something real so reality becomes a little more bearable (am I already sharing too many innermost thoughts?)
So it’s a hometown. Emphasis on the word “home” because it’s an amalgamation of feelings. Banana the black lab was a real dog who belonged to my grandpa and I really loved her more than anything, even if she got her name from being like a rotten, black banana. She was more sweet to me. I moved too many houses growing up (a different one every year, and for a time period with no house at all) which is why I’m a little obsessed with the idea of a “childhood home,” a singular place where you stayed and did the majority of your growing up. For Jihoon, that place is his grandparent’s house, a place you live in by seasons instead of years.
Beyond the fake dating, this was supposed to be about finding a way to come home when the life you thought you were building ended up being a sham and a betrayal. When you aren’t sure who you are because you don’t know why you are doing what you are doing. But then again, it’s about the fake dating mainly because it’s how a stranger can become someone who helps you fall in love with a place again. Who can remind you of all the reasons staying could be worth it. Joshua decided to stay in Adelaide because of that relationship with his father, something that was rocky for most of his life, and how it became something meaningful. In some ways he didn’t want to let his father go, in some ways you can love a place because it keeps you close to someone, but not chained to them. In some ways, Joshua falls in love with Adelaide again because of Jihoon too.
Writing the want—for someone to reach over and squeeze your hand just to check if you are okay. For someone to be willing to go along with your schemes to have an ounce of peace. Here’s where the fake dating becomes another excuse for want of intimacy.
Talking about why I write something inevitably circles back to talking about me more than the story itself. I could talk about places that have felt like home until you become someone that they do not—and will never—accept. I could talk about falling out of love with a city or a religion never really means they untangle from your soul. I could talk about the beauty of church buildings but how I still haven’t found a place that would accept so eagerly, without judgment or carefully crafted looks of condemnation—but I want it to exist so I write it.
So this is a love letter to wants, to homes I want to build and rebuild. It’s a silly story about falling in love with a person and a place. How loving that person could let you love any place at all.
Playlist
